if girls could

curse

it’d be quite plain, really. the world would go on. time wouldn’t stop, cars wouldn’t collide, the trains won’t derail, oxygen will still flow, gravity will continue to pull

the universe would exist in normalcy.

normalcy does include that multitude of furrowed brows, though.

and the middle-aged gasps,

elder scorns,

younger laughs,

teenaged smirks.

and the outward urge to possibly be taken more seriously than a breath before?

if girls said fuck

but that’d be weird,

because we shouldn't

it’s normal

girls can’t

they couldn’t

---

win an Oscar without portraying a woman in sex

(sex worker, victim, sex-haver)

of course we’ll win for the roles that constantly loop in their heads

---

a tee I wear often

walk

without comments

without worries

without pepper spray

without a hidden keychain knife

without the self-reminder that FIRE! calls more help

without trackers

without squinted eyes

without whistles

without wishing for the safety of a big bad dog

or boyfriend or brother or dad or friend

without onlookers

without news headlines

without remembering to kick hard

or that the kidneys are also a tender spot

or that punching out the taillight works

or that disassociating works too

or that yanking out a clump of hair mustn’t be that hard

or that wearing a ponytail provides them an easier grasp

but I don’t want to run with my hair down?

or that glancing at my phone puts a target on my back

but how far away is that library again?

what mile am I at?

or that I can’t hear footsteps behind me if I want music, too

or that adrenaline can surely make me run faster?

or that now that I’ve had LASIK I won’t need my contacts if i’m without them for days

or that maybe i’ll be skinnier if I’m not allowed to eat

is that a plus?

or that biting is a possibility

but I don’t want to taste blood?

or that I forget how to get my hands out of a bind

or that I probably shouldn’t be this far from home

but the sunset is practically calling me?

or that there aren’t many people around to hear me yell

or that they’ll probably go for someone smaller?

or brunette. because that’s the statistic, right?

leisure,

empty-headed

walks, runs, jogs

aren’t for us

---

that’d be weird right?

to just run

to just win

to just curse

and not feel the weight

of danger,

irony,

scorn

and just freedom,

the righteous kind

---

we’re in a weird box, us girls

the rules are relentless

even when it’s disguised as winning

when i’m running faster than I ever have, we win often and stop holding back our words & thoughts

are we just winning from our boxes?

this song inspired the words

actually, life did.

and the hope and anger for my daughters

and my daughters’ daughters

xoxo

abby